question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
