This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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