Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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