i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
