Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize