dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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