the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
