i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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