So drunk its hurt
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
