I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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