The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
