hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
