let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
