for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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