I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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