All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
