Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
