Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
