he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
