I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
