I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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