WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
false alarm. still invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize