I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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