road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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