Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
