Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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