some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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