i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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