We named our party play list daddy issues
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
