And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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