i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just had sex bonerless
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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