we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
