His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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