He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
