So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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