Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
