My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize