I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
