i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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