Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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