Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
