so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
