i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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