I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
