wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
