did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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