So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize