she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
