So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
