At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
