Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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