I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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