Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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