In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
