Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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