i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
