Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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