And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
