There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
