i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
