fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
