i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
