your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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