And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
