the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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